I just can't....

And today, for your viewing pleasure, I bring to you a compilation of things that I literally can't even...  (accompanied by an unrelated, yet surprisingly fitting photo) 

-Crock pot meals. If I wanted all my food to share the exact same texture I'd just throw it into a blender. Gag me.

-Tinder. Do you smell the desperation? It seems to be wafting. Spare me, I know you 'JUST DO IT CAUSE ITS SO FUNNY'. I don't buy it.

-Prepackaged cheese slices (I'm lookin at you Kraft). Velvetta as well. Ew. Actually most yellow cheeses kind of weird me out... cheese is made from dairy, and dairy is white

-Food scented candles or body washes/lotions. I don't want my house or myself to smell like a perky peach, or a snickerdoodle. People like to eat perky peaches and snickerdoodles, please don't eat me. (bath salts are a problem enough, I'm not into tempting ravenous druggies even more)

-Paper plates (apparently I've got a chip on my shoulder regarding the kitchen). Unless I am sitting in a lawn chair on a grassy knoll and there is a hot dog making its way from the grill grates to my mouth, use a real plate. We are not in college anymore.


-Palazzo pants. Stop glorifying patterned gauchos. I don't care if they feel like  you're wearing pajamas. My yoga pants feel like I'm wearing pajamas, but that doesn't mean I should wear those in public either.

-People who text you asking how you are, and let the conversation die. What is the point? Did you just get a desperate urge to know that I am at work, and doing well? Did that satisfy your craving? Ok, catch up with you again in a week!

-Coors Light. Just, Coors Light.

-And flip-flops. My god could they MAKE a more obnoxious shoe? I can't even formulate an onomatopoeia for that sound, it's so annoying. Threwp... threwp... threwp...

-Bae. What is that? The sound a goat makes?

I should just stop now. I'm curious to know what everyone else Can't Even today!? I can't be alone here...

Insincerity

I truly am grateful for all the thoughts & prayers that are sent our way through all of this, but can I just rant for a moment.

Is it wrong that I am almost disgusted by this message I received earlier?

You openly admit you didn't even know my sweet niece existed, you spell my brothers name wrong, and then you launch into a novel about yourself and your divorce.  I am sorry that I struggle to find the sincerity within this?

Oh, and this is a cousin of mine. Honestly lady, no I don't know anything about you nor am I really interested in learning - I am pretty sure you checked yourself out of the family when I was about 3.

A simple "heard the news, thinking about your family" would have sufficed.

Maybe I am just hypersensitive with everything, and taking it the wrong way. But weirdddd. I guess a prayer is a prayer, regardless of your apparent lack of concern for the family you say you're praying for

What would you do?

Let’s play a fun game, blog readers. I call this game “What would you do”. Here’s the rules: I explain a situation (PURELY hypothetical of course) and you tell me your insight on the matter. Fun, right? Awesome, let’s go.

Hypothetical situation numero uno:

Early one Friday afternoon I invite a friend, whom I’ve know for MANY years, to go to a festival with me on a Friday night. I have free passes for said festival. They agree, exclaiming it sounds like fun and that they will meet me there after they get off work.

I carry on about my day. Later in the evening I  text them to make sure of time and where we’re meeting up at. They don’t respond. Since I don’t really like showing up to places alone, I bring other guests along with me  and figure this friend will text you at some point before we get there to plan on where to meet up. I try a few more times to contact them with no avail. ‘Weird,’ I  think to myself, ‘guess she bailed?’. I’m a little peeved at them bailing with no forwarning (and glad I had brought along others so I wasn’t wandering the festival alone!)

After awhile we were enjoying ourselves and I had sort of shrugged off the whole situation. That’s when someone from our group came back after a bathroom trip or something, and said he had ran into the offriender (see what I did there, friend +offender HA!), with a group of other mutual acquaintances. That’s when I really became baffled. He said he stopped & talked to them for a moment, and pointed out where we were at yet not once did they come by and say hi or come by and offer up any explanation as to why I was seemingly being avoided all afternoon?

We left shortly thereafter. The next day I texted that friend simply asking ‘what happened to you last night’. Never did get a response to that one either.

                            

The kicker of it all, is that I haven’t heard from that person. Nearly 4 weeks later. And then I received a text inviting me to go out one night for their birthday.

Am I overreacting? I just feel like I deserve some sort of explanation at least, if not an apology. I don’t know. I’m just a little shocked. And a lot baffled.

Any insights, thoughts, recommendations are totally welcomed with open arms.

Purely hypothetical situation of course ;)

Little Letters: Round 2

I think it's time for more little letters, don't you all agree? What... No? Too bad. 

Dear dad,
While I appreciate your surprise visit Tuesday night and the fact that you brought me a tupperware full of stew... I hate stew, and I'm pretty sure it was just an excuse to come steal your tools out of my garage. It's ok. I understand you miss me.


Dear House of Booze,
Since when do you have the authority to cancel Christmas? Ok, slight exaggeration but we don't even get ANY days off before or after xmas this year. The usual 'day off after xmas' is going to be taken on Presidents day. I seriously hate this industry. Grinch.


Dear state cop,
Are you just not going to ever turn in my ticket that you just HAD to give me that fateful September morning. I mean, I've got the prosecutor calling me threatening that my license is suspended (which it isn't, btw, I just checked) and saying I lied to her about the deferral and all this jazz. It's sort of a headache and I would just like to know if I get to catch that .01% error where you forget it and disappears or what?!


Dear crickets,
Seriously, get the flip out of my basement. I'm so tired of having to go on killing rampages everytime I want to do laundry. You guys are nasty... move it along Jiminey .


Dear annonymous fairy,
Thank you for paying my gas bill. I don't know who you are or how you did it, but somehow my $50+ bill for this past month showed that I owe nothing. I'm still skeptical.


Dear Greece,
Your men and islands may be gorgeous, but your yogurt is seriously disgusting. I bought 2 containers of it pretending to be healthy, and felt guilty throwing them away so I literally had to choke that stuff down as if I'm taking jello shots. Gag.  When did it occur to you that making a food item the exact consistency of the stuff you spackle ceilings with would be a good idea? It's not.


Dear perfect red jeans for Chelsea,
I know you are out there somewhere... please make yourself known.


Dear Reba,
Not really cool with you using my name in your new song. Little weird to be honest.


Dear over-eager neighbor,
You are across the street. If you want to carry on a conversation, come a little closer... I am not going to shout my personal business loud enough for the entire neighborhood. Heck I will even meet you in the street, sparky. Although you do make me laugh with every "HEY HOW ARE YAH OVER THERE?!" that I get.


Dear Paid Time Off,
Not that I'm counting... but I only have to put up with 25 more workdays until you are mine again and I cannot wait. I'm gonna use you the heck up and it's gonna be a DANG good time.


Dear tummy,
Please stop craving buffalo wings and fried rice at all hours of the day. People think I'm way weird when I mention it at 9:43AM... and I am really getting sick of having to promise everyone that no, there is in fact no fetus inside of me.


Sincerely,
 

Seriously?! Thursday

I think today marks the perfect day to link up with my fellow Hoosier'ette, Becky, over at From Mrs. to Momma for SERIOUSLY?! Thursday

1. Up until this morning I had never received a ticket, been in an accident or pulled over. Well apparently cops are also grumpy at 7am and I am now the proud owner of a "UNSAFE LANE CHANGE" ticket. We were at a stoplight, the other lane started moving so I hopped over. I'm sorry Mr Officer but how do you figure that I "cut you off" when you weren't even moving.  SERIOUSLY?!


2. My showerhead is on strike or something. For the past week or so I have been attempting to rinse shampoo from my hair under the equivalent of a water fountain. What happened to my water pressure?! SERIOUSLY?!

3. My mutt, of whom I love so very much, decided to take it upon himself to begin ripping up the carpet (albeit it is ugly carpet) from my sun room, aka the room he stays in when I'm gone. Wasn't planning on taking on that home improvement project for a while but now I have no choice! I really. really. really. adore him. Really. SERIOUSLY?!


4. I'm pretty much convinced that someone provided my left ovary with a Swiss army knife. I don't know who it was or why they did it, but the pain is intense and I'm not a happy camper. Dear ovary, stop stabbing me. SERIOUSLY?!


5. We're supposed to be going camping this weekend, but now the weather has decided to play games and bombard us with lows in the 40s every night.  SERIOUSLY?!


6. After dinner last night we went to Nordstrom Rack and I found atleast 4 pairs of jeans I wanted. I had to narrow it down to only one. Stupid mortgage.  SERIOUSLY?!


7. I now have a bruise on my hand from walking past a door the other day and slamming my hand into the knob because I apparently swung my arm at the wrong time.  SERIOUSLY?!

 
8. And I've been so busy writing these rants up, and (gasp) actually doing work, that I went to take a drink of my coffee and it's now cold.  SERIOUSLY?!


Phew... that felt good! I'm going to go plaster a smile on my face now and make myself have a good day!

 

I cannot lie.

Source: flickr.com via V on Pinterest

Yesterday, as I was driving home a horrible, terrible, no good thing happened. Seriously. I cringed.

Sir Mix a Lot came on the radio.

Pause. I know half of you just gasped. "Oh no she di'ent".

Oh yes I di'id.

I can't stand that song. It ranks up in my top 10 most annoying songs everrrrrr.

Also on my list:
Aqua's Barbie Girl
Chumbawumba's Tub'thumpin
Bloodhound Gang's Bad Touch
Eiffel 65's Blue
BEP's My Humps
Who Let the Dog's Out (who even sings that anyways)
And in general, anything by Alanis Morressette.

Disagree? Agree? Anything else you wanna add to my compilation of PLEASESTOPPLAYINGTHISDANGSONGONTHERADIOALREADY songs?

PS I've got a couple of AWESOME playlists on my blog if you're in need of some good tunes!

Ruffled feathers

Last night I received a text from a someone who is one half of a couple that Chris & I spent quite a bit of time with when we were together. We usually had a good time together, and Chris always enjoyed spending time with texter’s husband, however I wouldn't say texter and I are the best of friends... more like good acquaintances, that went to high school together.

The text read somethin along the lines of this “ha, this is funny, but kinda sad, _(husband)_ just got a text from someone saying 'do you not like me anymore or something?', guess who?!”... and it instantly ruffled my feathers. She was referring to Chris.

I've never been an ex-boyfriend basher, even when I had ex's who cheated on me. I have always chosen to take the high road, forgive and forget, move on, no sense in wasting energy on a grudge. Especially in this instance, where Chris never did me anywrong, we simply just fell out of love.

I tried to just ignore it, but couldn't help myself... I don't see what's funny/sad about someone trying to maintain a friendship, and I wouldn't want Chris to be anything but happy. I shot back something about how I don't really find it funny...  that if _(husband)_ doesn't watn to be friends with Chris maybe he should just tell him instead of making fun of him behind his back.

Am I being too mama bear'ish/protective of Chris? I think the part that really irritated me is that this isn't the first time she brought it up, a few months ago when her and I got dinner she laughed about how Chris had made plans with _(husband)_ but when the day rolled around husband just ignored Chris' texts/calls.

And the fact that we don't talk regularly, so she brings this up out of nowhere as if she wants to be patted on the back or high-fived or something?

I don't think she was expecting me to call her out on it, and eventually shot back something about how they are just so busy and have no free time. I just put my phone on silent and went to bed.

I've still got a bad taste in my mouth over it though. In my opinion- grow-up. No one wants fake friends, regardless of how you met them. If her husband doesn't want to hang out, be straight... don't make plans and always say "yea we'll get together" and then blow him off. Why even waste your time?! And especially don't run to me gloating about it like a dog that deserves a treat.

What would you have done? Was it silly of me to get defensive about it?

This week can escort itself out!

I am absolutely convinced that someone, somewhere in my office sent out a mass email that says "Email and call Chelsea with your stupidest, most asinine questions."

I'm not sure who did it, but that has GOT to be the explanation for the influx of incompetence lately!

I have a sales rep who cannot, for the life of him, understand that I need him to email me the Microsoft Word document, so I can copy/paste the text out of it for his 6 page menu that he so kindly had inner-office-mailed to me in HANDWRITTEN FORM. Sweetheart, there are two designers for this entire company... I am NOT retyping 6 pages of handwritten wine list. So he types it up, prints it off... and scans it in, then emails.

FORREAL?! Is this a joke right now?!

It gets better... I explain once again why I need the Word document. Hang up the phone. Receive an email 30ish minutes later... it is every page of the pdf pasted as a picture into a 6 page Word document.
Lord please be with the starving pygmies down there in New Guinea. Amen (+10 pts if you can name that comedian)


As if that isn't bad enough, I've been beating myself up lately too!
I'm still nursing my LilWayne teardrop burn from the chandelier incident.
I have huge bruises on both my knees (one from the dashboard on my dads truck, because clearly I don't know how to properly get out of a truck anymore) and the other from who knows what??
I'm pretty sure I bruised my kidney when I dropped the soap in the shower and nailed my back on the soap holder as I stood back up... (yes, next time you're in the shower please think about this & try to figure out how I even managed that one... because I cannot comprehend it all I know is it let to a string of expletives)
Then last night in the shower I cracked my elbow on the stupid wash cloth rack thingy.

I'm so ready to get the heck outta dodge before I hurt myself anymore ha!

Anything you can do, I can do better

Elenore, my house, decided she wanted to beat herself up a bit this weekend and left me to wake up to a lovely added water feature in my *newly finished* downstairs bathroom. After a couple trips onto the roof and a GOODMORNING/HELPDAD call to my papa, I sat down and pouted.

My dad spent SO much time working on that bathroom... he just got the drywall all put up and mudded like a week ago, and then we spackled the ceiling. And then Ellie had to go and f it all up.

Apparently a gutter upstairs had separated from the house and basically water was backing up and going behind the siding and right down into the bathroom ceiling. It sucks. The paint is peeling right off the wall, taking the primer and even parts of drywall with it. Every time I go in there I want to cry.

But don't worry, I pulled a trick out of her own book later that night and tore out her ceiling in the sitting room.

If you get to tear things up, so do I Ellie, so do I.

Wicked

Last night we had a little ladies night out and it was just what the doctor ordered! My mom, aunt, one of her friends and myself went out for dinner & cocktails and then to see Wicked.
It was wonderful! Have you seen it?! Loved it. I'm going to have to read the books now!! The flying monkeys were my favorite. I also read online that Taye Diggs played the lead male role (Fiyero) in the Broadway version... dang it, I'm a little disappointed that TD wasn't playing him last night!

We got lucky and bought our tickets when they first went on presale so we landed 4 front row seats, and while it was amazing to be that close, I think I need a neck massage now after 3 hours of staring up !

On another note, my flooring did not come in yesterday like it was supposed to. Boo!

Oh and you know what else is wicked... I just got reprimanded for requesting to take my 2 remaining PTO days!

Stuck

There's no better word to describe exactly how I feel right now. Except maybe gerbil wheel but that's actually two words. I keep trying to remind myself that I only got the keys 2 weeks ago and we've gotten a whole heck of a lot done in those two weeks... but sometimes it's just hard to stay upbeat when the whole house is in a state of chaos!

Since getting the keys on the 17th of November:
Replaced all of the locks
Removed old linoleum floor in kitchen
Removed carpet in sitting room
Removed 2 layers of linoleum in sitting room
Removed lousy chair rail from dining room
Removed wallpaper from living room
Removed wallpaper from entry/stairway
Sand down walls to remove wallpaper gunk
Fix hole in master bdrm from door knob
Sanded down upstairs hardwood floors
Sanded down the bottom step because previous owner had a dog and it looks like someone took a cheesegrater to that step
Fixed cracks in walls (it is 70some years old after all)
Fixed other cracks you find while fixing the first cracks
Fixed the ceiling cracks
Tore down the wood paneling on the kitchen wall
Painted my craft room, but I hate it & it's getting repainted

And then there's the unexpected things that have popped up, like the decision to texturize the flat ceilings because, well let's be honest, a house built in the 30's has done some settling and there's atleast one tiny crack in each room... and it when you've stared at that little crack for two weeks it really starts to tick you off.

And sometimes when you decide to take off a light switch panel in the kitchen, 8 layers of paint decide to come off with it. And no, 8 isn't an exaggeration. And it's enamel paint, so it literally peels right off with your finger. So you might as well scrap all the peely paint off that wall since you already started the mess!

And then you notice that the iron railings at the bottom of the stairs have nearly 27 coats of paint on them, and no longer look like twisting iron but blobs. So you might as well go ahead and unbolt those and strip them down.

And all I want is painted walls. Paint makes a room look finished. I'm tired of looking at drywall putty covered walls. But before we paint the walls the ceilings need textured. And we need to finish all sanding before we texture anything so we don't get dust in the ceiling and paint. And then after that we have to stain floors. And after the stain is put down we'll be at a standstill because you can't walk on fresh floors for like 5 days.

Oh, and did I mention the entire downstairs bathroom is down to bare studs and no floor, because you couldn't even sit on the toilet without hanging your head on the sink So part of my extremely large pantry/closet and sitting room are becoming bathroom territory. Thank God my dad does a pretty good impersonation of a licensed electrician, plumber, and builder. Otherwise I might be up shit creek without a paddle!

And everyone is so sweet and asks how it's coming along, but in reality I just want to bite your head off. Because honestly, home renovation should not be scheduled around certain times of the month if you, ahhem, catch my drift.

Alexson over at Bigger, Better, Best hit the nail on the head when she said "And frankly, it makes me want to curl into a ball and eat seven pounds of M&Ms. "

S.O.S.

An open letter to Sunglasses Hut

[I bought a pair of D&G sunglasses from Sunglasses Hut a few summers ago. I've mentioned these sunglasses on my blog before (surprise, they were broke there too!). After being completely fed up with the quality of service I received in their stores and in the product itself, I sent this email via their customer service link on their website. I received a message back asking for my phone number and the best time to call, and was told I would be contacted the next day. Of course, I never heard from anyone. Apparently their philosophy for customer service runs company wide!]

Here's my letter:

I purchased a pair of sunglasses from one of your stores about a year and a half ago and am pretty confident in saying I will never buy from your company again. These sunglasses (Dolce & Gabanna) have come apart on 3 different occasions. Not long after purchasing them, the sunglasses were bent by the hard case I was given upon purchase to store them in (which by the way, wasn’t even the same brand therefore my sunglasses didn’t fit properly in the case and were bent by the closing of the case causing them to fit improperly. The location I bought them from claimed they had no case to fit this style, and offered to give me a Ralph Lauren case instead. For $300+ a proper fitting case should be offered.) and the other two occasions the screw came out of the arm, leaving my shades in two pieces.

While I understand the craftsmanship of the sunglasses aren't necessarily "your problem" the willingness of your employees to help correct the issue has been nothing but a joke.

I was most recently in your store on Sunday with (again) a detached sunglasses arm and was basically told that there was nothing that could be done, and that "maybe I should try Lenscrafters or something".

In my opinion, a company should always stand behind their product, regardless of if they manufacture it or are just a third party vendor. I find it hard to believe that in a store full of sunglasses there was no way for said associate (or the associates in the other 2 instances) to fix my sunglasses.

What is even more ridiculous is that in all three instances, once I was told by a Sunglasses Hut employee that nothing could be done to fix the sunglasses I paid over $300 for, I went to another sunglasses store in the mail (Solstice), where they happily fixed them for me without any questions asked. This second store doesn’t even sell Dolce & Gabanna brand glasses, but they were willing to take time out of their day to help me out since your company wouldn’t.

In today’s economy, when someone spends that kind of money on a frivolous item such as sunglasses I highly suggest your company makes a little more effort to guarantee that the customer walks away happy and with a functioning pair of sunglasses instead of having a “sorry about your luck, not my problem” attitude and $300 down the drain.

Have you bought anything from SH? What would you do if you were in my position? Have you had a similar problem??I am just disgusted by the whole situation!
I highly recommend you steer clear when looking to purchase new sunglasses, buy from a store that actually appreciates your business!

UnFantasy 500

As I was transferring all my posts over I noticed this poor little gem had never evolved past draft status!

Remember that Fantasy 500 party that was supposed to house guests such as Kim K... Marky Mark... and so on....

The event that I got all gussied up for in a brand new dress and shoes....

The lavish event that hosted unique guests like this....

and saucy little ladies like them...

well, I told you it was, uh, frankly a dud to put it nicely. Atleast the mister and I looked cute!

(Special thanks to the DECKED OUT chick in her t-shirt and cargo shorts who didn't even get my shoes in the pic.)

Snap, Crackle, Crash

Last night as we were packing up ChrisChris' condo (more on this later!) I decided I wanted to take some last minute pictures of the place... we did have a lot of memories there after all! I get out my good ol Cybershot and start snapping away. 'Jeesh,' I think, 'It's really dark in here or something, I can't even see anything on the camera screen!'

Lo and behold, not only does it not hold a charge, it's completely jacked. The photo's look like a mix between a blazing fire and some sort of ghost-energy meter. I guess I've now made up my mind between getting a new battery or buying a new camera!

This, my dear amigas, is where I need your assistance...
What kind camera do you use? I preferably want a point-and-shoot, as much as I would love a DSLR or something it doesn't make sense right now, I don't have the time or money!
Getting another Sony would probably be my smartest route, since that's what my past 2 cameras have been, therefore I already have a couple memory cards. But I'm open to anything right now!

Along with telling me what camera you use, can you include:
How it charges (my most recent Cybershot had to be sat on a dock and then plugged into the wall which I thought was a pain)
How you get the photos onto your computer (camera cord, card reader, I even heard there's fancy cameras that can send them wirelessly?)

and anything else you want to mention.... how is the battery life, any special features, cool colors etc.

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I really really really appreciate it! I'm one of those people who researches online before I buy but we are going out of town this weekend and I would love to be able to bring a new camera with me then!

Insanity

Albert Einstein once said, "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results".

 [img via weheartit]

Like putting it on the SAME radio station every morning when you come into the office and then getting mad that they play the same 10 songs every 20 minutes. Really. REALLY?!

This is what my boss does every day and man it's starting to really drive me up the wall! I've already heard him say this twice this morning "Oh yay they are playing Kesha again"

When I'm here by myself I just listen to Pandora through my computer, but every time I offer that he grumbles something under his breath. Everyone always says "bring in your ipod and headphones!" But we have so many people coming into our office throughout the day that wearing headphones just isn't really plausible.

Oh how I hate sharing an office. Did I mention he clips his fingernails randomly throughout the day?! Gross.

Sorry - I just needed to rant!


PS Thank you all for the sweet comments the past few days. I'd be lying if I said they didn't bring me to tears a few times. Amelia Grace went up to Heaven at 2:44 on Friday afternoon, and at one point in the evening the rain lifted and we even saw some sunshine peeking through the clouds. We are comforted knowing she is no longer in pain.