Control freak seeking answers, pronto.

God has the strangest ways of teaching us things. Inspired by a post on wishing by Ms. J at Smelly Life, and a post on limbo I just read at Through Rose Colored Glasses, I've decided to write this.

Roughly two years ago, I had a foray at the doctor in which certain tests came back abnormal. I was told that this could turn into cancer. I then spent many a night freaking out with lots of crying. The next step was a biopsy and removal of tissue for testing. These came back ok, and no action needed to be taken other than "keeping an eye on it". While it was a relief, this meant I had the pleasure of visiting said doctor every few months. I know that doesn't seem like a lot, but ugh it is. Especially if you are someone like me who wants concrete answers and doesn't like feeling like something is out of my control.

I've done lots of google-ing, which in turn freaked me out more. I've done a lot of crying, but that doesn't get me anywhere but a fasttrack to sinus-headache kingdom and puffy-eye ville. And lately I've resorted to a "You can doooo it" attitude (you have to read this with a Spanish accent, otherwise it doesn't have the same effect)

I go in next Tuesday for another biopsy. I just wish these cells would just get their act together, and be normal! I hate this state of "well... you're ok for now, but we want you to come back in a few months to check again", twiddling-thumb-ness. Regardless, I'm learning to be patient, I'm learning that I won't have all the answers and all of the conclusions and that I am just going to have to accept that and move on!

Ugh, wish me luck. I'm tryin to roll with the punches! It's hard.... I'm a worrier!


What's New with Mrs.T said...

GL chicky! Be strong, definitely keep us followers updated!

Emily said...

I'm a total worrier, too, so I understand. Good luck, and I'm sending positive vibes your way!! Hang in there!

Jennadesigns said...

Hang in there... I was in this same boat once too. I ended up having my misbehaving cells removed surgically and within another 6 months, the remaining ones were behaving. Drop me an email if you want ... I was/am a worry wart too!