I think it's time for more little letters, don't you all agree? What... No? Too bad.
While I appreciate your surprise visit Tuesday night and the fact that you brought me a tupperware full of stew... I hate stew, and I'm pretty sure it was just an excuse to come steal your tools out of my garage. It's ok. I understand you miss me.
Dear House of Booze,
Since when do you have the authority to cancel Christmas? Ok, slight exaggeration but we don't even get ANY days off before or after xmas this year. The usual 'day off after xmas' is going to be taken on Presidents day. I seriously hate this industry. Grinch.
Dear state cop,
Are you just not going to ever turn in my ticket that you just HAD to give me that fateful September morning. I mean, I've got the prosecutor calling me threatening that my license is suspended (which it isn't, btw, I just checked) and saying I lied to her about the deferral and all this jazz. It's sort of a headache and I would just like to know if I get to catch that .01% error where you forget it and disappears or what?!
Seriously, get the flip out of my basement. I'm so tired of having to go on killing rampages everytime I want to do laundry. You guys are nasty... move it along Jiminey .
Dear annonymous fairy,
Thank you for paying my gas bill. I don't know who you are or how you did it, but somehow my $50+ bill for this past month showed that I owe nothing. I'm still skeptical.
Your men and islands may be gorgeous, but your yogurt is seriously disgusting. I bought 2 containers of it pretending to be healthy, and felt guilty throwing them away so I literally had to choke that stuff down as if I'm taking jello shots. Gag. When did it occur to you that making a food item the exact consistency of the stuff you spackle ceilings with would be a good idea? It's not.
Dear perfect red jeans for Chelsea,
I know you are out there somewhere... please make yourself known.
Not really cool with you using my name in your new song. Little weird to be honest.
Dear over-eager neighbor,
You are across the street. If you want to carry on a conversation, come a little closer... I am not going to shout my personal business loud enough for the entire neighborhood. Heck I will even meet you in the street, sparky. Although you do make me laugh with every "HEY HOW ARE YAH OVER THERE?!" that I get.
Dear Paid Time Off,
Not that I'm counting... but I only have to put up with 25 more workdays until you are mine again and I cannot wait. I'm gonna use you the heck up and it's gonna be a DANG good time.
Please stop craving buffalo wings and fried rice at all hours of the day. People think I'm way weird when I mention it at 9:43AM... and I am really getting sick of having to promise everyone that no, there is in fact no fetus inside of me.