Pop Goes My Lung.

I cracked ONE joke about needing a LifeAlert button and karma came and knocked me on my ass.

Friday, March 15th. 

I woke up at LT's house that morning, feeling far too nauseous for the few beers I had at dinner the night before. On top of the nausea I had this horrible stabbing-with-a-knife pain in my right shoulder blade.  I remember getting dressed, tossing back a few Advil and rolling my eyes at my weird ailments.

I drove the 45minutes from his house to mine, hopped in the shower hoping the hot water beating on my back would ease up the pain, took another Advil for good measure, and headed on into work.

I spent most of the day whining to Whit and LT about how bad my back was hurting. I realized I could only breath about half as deep as normal, but associated it with the back pain. Pulled muscle was my self-diagnosis.

When I started coughing around lunchtime, I decided to wave the white flag, and called up my doctors office hoping to get in to get some antibiotics for this weird cough/cold. I had a fun weekend ahead planned, LT's birthday, St Patrick's Day, I didn't want to be sick! The nurse told me there were no openings left that afternoon, she would pass my symptoms along to my doctor and see if he wanted to call in a prescription. A few minutes later they called back saying he wanted me to come in.

I left work and went to his office. He listened to my breathing, did the regular tests, listened to my symptoms, and said he was stumped. He predicted a pulled muscle, but ordered a chest x-ray just in case. He said to go ahead and head home and rest after the x-ray, that he would call me if they noticed anything.

I didn't even make it halfway home before Bob Marley started wailing on my phone (how ironic). "Well, I hope you don't have a hot date tonight... I just took a look at your x-ray... I need you to go to the ER. I already sent over your paperwork and informed them you would be on your way. Chelsea, your right lung is collapsed."



[ Pop Goes My Lung : This is Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4 // Part 5 // Part 6 // Part 7] 



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Just a boy with a vision.

This is my sunroom. It has a daybed. It has a lot of pillows. I like pillows. Pillows are comfortable and add interest.

This is my dog. He is cute and cuddly. He sleeps in the sunroom. The sunroom is also known as "Russell's Room.

Let me tell you a tale of these two characters....

Last night, after being tucked in and told "good night, sweet dreams, see you in the morning, love you", Russell the cuddly puppy had a creative vision.

Russell realized no pillows should have corners!

Russell tediously executed his vision while I slept soundly upstairs in my bed.

Imagine my excitement to see what a lovely job of redecorating he did upon my awakening this morning!



Russell did not get a treat this morning. Russell got a spanking. Russell does not have a future in interior design.

Why I need a LifeAlert

A few weeks ago I fell down my stairs.

Yes, my middle name should be grace.

I was three steps away from the bottom and somehow managed the most dramatic fall known to man, bruising my entire arm and landing in a "dead body outline" position on my dining room floor around the corner. I still have a black and blue arm.

Then twice this past month the doorknob in my bathroom has fallen off. This bathroom is in the middle of my home. Meaning there are no windows, no "escape routes". You guys, I was nearly locked in my bathroom twice.

While hilarious, do you realize no one would have ANY clue unless the just so happened to stop by. I'd just be chilling in my bathroom for hours on end. Or all paralyzed on my stairs.

And believe me, my dog is no ancestor of Lassie. There would be no 'rescuing Timmy from the well' happening with that pup.

I asked my mom to start texting me every twelve hours to ensure I'm not dead after a freak fall or locked in a bathroom. And to immediately come to my house if I don't reply. She laughed. And then proceeded to text me this morning to check that I had made it to work.

Or maybe I just need to invest in one of those LifeAlert necklaces. I wouldn't mind some hot firefighters in my life.

 

Goggles.

Many many moons ago, after a coworker told me to "jesus christ you squint at that screen", I finally bit the bullet and got an eye exam.

(This picture really doesn't relate at all. Except it was pre-glasses. And hilarious)

I'd always bragged about having 20/20 vision. Granted, I've always had a slight astigmatism but that's whatever. Football eye. The stuck up lady at the overpriced optometry office informed me I needed glasses. For reading, and computer work, and no glare lenses, and laser beams, and about 17 other overpriced options and I smiled and took my prescription and walked out the door laughing at their $300 eyeglass quote.

And about 6 months passed where I continued to squint, and ask LT "is that blurry to you?? Can you read that???" until I realized this probably wasn't helping my frequent migraines, and I spent a good 4 hours virtually trying on glasses online. (This isn't a sponsored post or anything, but I did buy them from GlassesUSA and I thought their service/turnaround time rocked. And they have great deals!)

And I, gasp, committed. And ordered a pair. And they came and I put them on and felt like a big dork. And then I brought em to work and put em on. And WOW it was so much easier to see. And now they pretty much live on my face. What's up four-eyes.

A celebration. Times two.

 Friday was this little ladies third birthday. Crazy to think she is 3 already. Even crazier to think how nearly 2/3 of her life has been clouded with that disgusting disease.

But, cancer was not the focus of the night. Celebrating was! And celebrate we did!

Always being the little stinker though, miss monkey had something up her sleeve.

Post presents and cake, she was running around the living room playing with her new dora ribbon baton and started singing "I'm gonna be a big sisser, I'm gonna be a big sisser".

The kid has some ridiculous things come out of her mouth, so we just laughed at her and let her keep going. By about the fourth chorus of this new song, I started giving sidelong glances to my sister-in-law who was sitting next to me on the couch. It wasn't long after I saw the corners of her mouth turn up, when I said "IS SHE BEING SERIOUS???"

Not only did we get to celebrate the little monkeys third birthday, we also got to celebrate the announcement of a new baby monkey on the way!

I'm elated beyond belief. Becoming and aunt with Olivia was the coolest thing that has ever happened to me, and now I get to be aunted again!