A few weeks ago I fell down my stairs.
Yes, my middle name should be grace.
I was three steps away from the bottom and somehow managed the most dramatic fall known to man, bruising my entire arm and landing in a "dead body outline" position on my dining room floor around the corner. I still have a black and blue arm.
Then twice this past month the doorknob in my bathroom has fallen off. This bathroom is in the middle of my home. Meaning there are no windows, no "escape routes". You guys, I was nearly locked in my bathroom twice.
While hilarious, do you realize no one would have ANY clue unless the just so happened to stop by. I'd just be chilling in my bathroom for hours on end. Or all paralyzed on my stairs.
And believe me, my dog is no ancestor of Lassie. There would be no 'rescuing Timmy from the well' happening with that pup.
I asked my mom to start texting me every twelve hours to ensure I'm not dead after a freak fall or locked in a bathroom. And to immediately come to my house if I don't reply. She laughed. And then proceeded to text me this morning to check that I had made it to work.
Or maybe I just need to invest in one of those LifeAlert necklaces. I wouldn't mind some hot firefighters in my life.