The one that no one saw coming

Sometime around 2 in the afternoon yesterday I  received a facebook message from a name I didn’t recognize. A Nicole.

It probably took me less than 30 seconds to read through what she had said, and at that point I just went completely numb.

I immediately texted my best friend a simple “OMG”. It was all I could muster up. I tabbed over to my gmail window and saw that Aly was online, sent her the same thing. Omg.

I reread the message atleast 4 times in Facebook before forwarding it on to both of them.

I was flooded with emotions instantly and just began shaking. Thankfully my supervisor was out of the office, I couldn’t even think straight or utter any real words.

Never, ever ever in a hundred years would I have guessed Scott would be one of THOSE guys. Never.

I was shocked. I mean really that’s the only way I know how to sum it up. I couldn’t help but text her, I wanted to know more. I needed to know more. 

However this wasn’t my first rodeo, sadly I’ve been contacted by the “other girl” a few other times too… I knew she was basically scum (isn’t any girl who knowingly hooks up with a guy who is in a relationship?), but at that point I had to play nice.

I ended up formulating a plan. I met up with her after I left work. I got a shirt from her that Scott had bought her while we were in Jamaica. Yea, you read that right. He bought her a souvenir while he was on vacation with his girlfriend and her family. He had me help him pick it out. He said it was for his sister.

Believe me, I spent most of the afternoon alternating between wanting to puke and wanting to scream. But I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of an easy out.

I showed up at his house claiming I wanted to hang out. I asked how he was feeling, if he was glad to be out of the hospital. All of that.

Then I casually brought up that I had ran into one of his friends at CVS when I stopped to pick up a drink. A girl I had never met but she recognized me. A girl named Nicole.

He showed no emotion just proclaimed “oh yea, she’s my friend. She knows about you”

Then I pulled out the shirt. “I’m sorry, I lied, it was for her –she always gets me souvenirs, so I got her one” he started stumbling. I let him carry on, still playing dumb. Asking why she would give it back? Was she JUST a friend? Anything else he wanted to say?

When he was fessing up I pulled out the Facebook message that I had printed off.

He let out a half laugh/half sigh, and picked up the paper I had just thrown in front of him. He read through it. His head hung in shame, knowing the truth was out. “Most of it’s true” he said, “I’m so sorry”.

“It’s just that she knows Chris’ (my ex) cousin and she kept telling me how you were going to end up cheating on me with chris and I didn’t trust you and I fell for what she was telling me, she won. She wanted me back, I believed her I was stupid. That’s why I broke it off in Jamaica, I thought maybe if I ended it I would stop feeling so guilty. I tried to end things with her this morning, I told her I wanted her out of my life, that’s probably why she messaged you.” His reasons kept pouring out. I wasn’t even listening. I was so numb to him. I told him that I never would have guessed he would be the type of guy to do something like this. I told him how all I ever did was rave about him, what a great guy he was. He hung his head and said, so quietly I barely heard, that he was that good guy, somewhere deep inside.

I got up to leave, asked for my house key back. I told him his stuff would be outside my back door if he wanted to pick it up, and if not Id put it out with the trash on Monday.

He chased after me as I walked out, and grabbed my car door as I was trying to shut it… begging that I just talk to him. I don’t know what he thought talking would do. He made his bed, now it was time for him to lie in it. There are a lot of compromises I will make in a relationship, and if I really really care about someone I will go waaaay out of my way for them. But cheating. Cheating is one thing I absolutely will not put up with.

I politely asked him to shut my door. And I backed out of his driveway, sliding my shades down to cover up that tear that was forming in the corner of my eye. I was so good and strong in his presence, that was what mattered. I wiped the tear away and turned up my radio and rolled the windows down. I don’t remember what was on the radio, but I rocked out to it. I held my head high and took what was left of my pride with me as I made that 25 minute drive back home.

He called three times, all ignored and texted 4. Telling me he was coming to get his stuff, that I didn’t have to say anything to him but he wanted to come get it.  When he arrived I handed him his things and went about my business – letting Russell out and flipping through my mail. He just sat there at my kitchen table, searching my eyes for some sort of remorse or forgiveness. “Nothing I say or do now would even matter would it?”.  “nope,” I replied “whats done is done. You led me on this whole time… making me feel guilty for remaining friends with an ex that never did me any wrong, telling me over and over how you treated me like a queen, making me-my friends-my family all believe you were some outstanding, amazing guy. You ruined my vacation, placing the blame on me. Telling me I was selfish, and you couldn’t picture a future with me… sorry, but I’m so far beyond hurt and betrayal right now that it’s true. Nothing you can say or do will matter.”

Finally, he got up and left, with one last sorrowful “I’m sorry”. 

I don’t really know what to say or how I feel. I’m thankful I found out, relieved to have answers, absolutely disgusted, hurt, betrayed, and still just in shock. I’m not sure if my retelling of this even makes sense, but I needed to get it out for my own sake. I keep replaying the past few months in my head, recounting her story and his story and my own views. Rethinking everything. Wondering if any of it was truth. The only truth I know right now though is that I hurt. I have to try to start healing now.