8.11.2011

My appreciation for cheaters.

Let's have a toast for the douchebags,
Let's have a toast for the assholes,
Let's have a toast for the scumbags,
Every one of them that I know

(Thank you, Kanye, for those lyrics)


I do my best thinking in the car. Well, that may be a lie... I do my best thinking in the shower... and then on the beach... so in actuality I guess I do my third best thinking in the car. But same difference. I was in a car when I had this revelation, so we'll roll with it. Good thinking = car time.

I am glad I was cheated on. 

I know, you're sitting there goin 'this girl has lost her mind'... but that is the exact thought that crossed my mind as I was cruising along running errands last Thursday evening.

I was cheated on by my high school boyfriend of 2 years, and also by my early college boyfriend of a year and a half. 2 out of my 3 serious relationships ended because he cheated. I'm not condoning cheating, nor am I going 'hip hip hooray that was awesome' because it wasn't. It sucked, and it hurt. But that's not the point of this post. 

In both instances I remember finding out, and thinking "oh well, his loss... dumbass". Whether that's how I really felt, or if I was just tricking myself into being calm... that was my mindset towards it.

I've never been one of those girls who NEEDS a guy on her arm to be complete. I am who I am. I like what I like, I have my own hobbies, my own friends, my own interests. If I stumble upon someone who fits in that mix- perfect, if not - oh well!

In my opinion, if you cheat on me you are a dumbass, because I'm a pretty damn good girlfriend. Consider it cocky if you want, I call it confidence. I know what I have to offer and for 23 I think it's safe to say I've pretty much got my shit together!

Anyways, tangent. I never really held a grudge to those two ex's who cheated. I become really good friends with one of them after a few years of distance, and the other I will still chat with on occasion.

Most people who I tell that to get all appalled, but what's the point of holding a grudge, we didn't work out, we obviously weren't supposed to work out, so move on.

I'm glad I was cheated on because I now know those feelings of doubt and uncertainty, I know what it feels like to be lied to and led on. I've hit rock bottom in relationships, where you're constantly checking his phone and lurking on his facebook to see what pictures pop up from the weekend. It's not healthy and it's flat out nuts!

But if I hadn't gone through those I don't think I would appreciate the calmness and ease that comes with a healthy relationship.


Just some random thoughts for you on a sunny Thursday afternoon.Photobucket

23 comments:

Jennifer said...

I know what you mean, there were a couple of guys who cheated on me and I was like eh. whatever. I can do better.

Caitlin said...

Love this. Pretty much sums up my feeling too. Every relationship teaches you something.. and those guys that cheat? DEFINITELY their loss.

Aly said...

You're so smart- I think a lot of girls take it the other way. Like what did I do wrong?

KellyMellyBoBellyBananaFanna said...

that last sentence is what it's all about.

Domesticated-Bliss said...

Perspective is awesome no matter what it costs you to get it :) Great positive attitude!

~Haley~ said...

Love it! I've told friends the same thing, because 2 of the 3 serious relationships I've been in ended because of him cheating, and I think it made me a better person in the end! Definitely able to appreciate the great man & relationship we have!
XoXo

Sarah @ Scissors and a Whisk said...

Forunately, I've never been cheated on (that I know of! I wouldn't be surprised if a couple of now ex's told me they had). I do, however, think it's great that you're optimistic about the situation. I wish all girls had the same confidence, that it's THEIR loss, not ours.

Aubrey S. said...

You know, I've had just about the same realization before. Not that I enjoyed the experience, but it helped me learn exactly what I don't want in a man. Which goes a long way toward recognizing and appreciating when I found what I do want.

Mateya said...

So true. No reason to hold a grudge and it's almost something to be thankful for because you now know just HOW good you have it! And if it weren't for those bad relationships you wouldn't have been lead to the one you're in now. Yay HJ! :)

Sole Matters said...

WORD!! totally agree with you.

Michelle (michabella) said...

Amen sista. Amen. #iloveyou

Monica said...

Definitely in agreement, love this post. I think people who have been cheated on and who have done the rock bottom(searching through phones, cyber stalking) know what they will and won't accept in a future relationship and appreciate the good.

danielle said...

Hey hun, new follower here. Had to comment and say that I completely agree with you. I don't condone cheating of any sort. I personally thing the cheater is a big chicken, just be honest and say how you feel. But I too am thankful I was cheated on. Had I not been, I would have been married to him and stuck. But now, he's gone, someone new came along, and like you, am now able to be thankful for the normalcy and a healthy relationship and a honest to goodness GOOD man. Thanks for this post! :)

Shalyn said...

Oh Chelsea...This is such a good post! I agree with you completely and I too have been cheated on. At the time, I thought it was the end of the world...but now I'm thankful it happened (too) because I now know what a healthy relationship is. :) Xoxoxo!

tara said...

Hi. I'm really only here because you commented on my blog. So I guess I will comment on yours. I am going to pretend I actually read this post by saying, "Omg. You are so right!!" Hope you'll comment on my blog tomorrow!

Liz Taylor Training said...

You are SO right about all of that. Like you, I cherish what I have now because of my cheating-son-of-a-bitch-ex-fiance. :) :)

So glad I found your blog. XO

Marian said...

You basically read my mind with this post. I think the same exact thing...and I most definitely tell my girlfriends it when they have been cheated on.

Chelsea said...

I am SO happy you've found that. And agree college ex did the same and I appreciated my new one so much more!! I think the hardest is when you end bc of just simply being uncertain, but that should be answer enough! I am looking for mad love

Mrs. H said...

Love this post! Going through the hard times is what makes you who you are today and also helps you realize what you want in a relationship, so when that time comes to get married you can be 100% confident relationship. So glad you have found yourself a good one!

Dani said...

love this post! must download that song!

Megan said...

I'm right there with you. I learned a lot of life lessons and about myself when I was cheated on. I'm glad you made the situation(s) positive :)

Yelena Starikova said...

Make sense! I think you are Right!

AllGlamThings

Al said...

Wow. A revelation truly...I'm not going to say I am glad I was cheated on, but I am glad that something made me hit rock bottom. Otherwise, the climb back up wouldn't be nearly as rewarding. Rock on, beautiful girl. You do have your shit together, and reading your posts I always forget you are 23 - you have a maturity that exceeds your years and is evident in your posts. Plain and simple - you're awesome. And you will be a fabulous girlfriend/wife someday who deserves your "awesomeness". :)

PS...Would you ever be willing to do a guest post for me? I am in over my head here in Istanbul and can't keep up...let me know if you would be able to, if not, I totally understand!