1.19.2011

Opening up

I've been avoiding this post, or this blog in general actually. It's been a rough week.

Moving out of my childhood home and into a place of my own brought a lot of anxiety and confusion. I was scared and overwhelmed.

I didn't feel comfortable. I felt sad and lost and mostly lonely. Chris was there, just like we had planned. But it just didn't help. I was upset and aggravated by anything that he did.

I was flooded with all these emotions and continually found myself in tears. I didn't know if I was even ready to live on my own, let alone live with a boyfriend.

Chris left for work last Monday morning with our predetermined plan to go stay at his dads on the other side of town to give me some time to calm down and hopefully get a little settled and a little more comfortable in the house. My house.

As the days passed I was beginning to feel a little better about being on my own, and a little more hesitant about my relationship about Chris. I hadn't been happy lately. I didn't know if it was just stress from dang near renovating an entire house in just under 3 months and spending nearly everyday together. All I knew was that I hadn't gotten butterflies lately. I didn't get excited to see him. I felt like I had a grudge against him.

He continued to stay at his dad's all last week, and then went down to Louisville to see his mom and sister this past weekend. I'm not sure if it helped clear my mind or just helped me avoid the situation in general. Out of sight, out of mind.

My decision really shouldn't have been that difficult to make. Either we a) break-up and give it some time
b) we stay together & he moves out or
c) we stay together and he stays in the house
But I just felt so confused all week. My mind changed every 10minutes. I just wanted to feel happy. I didn't want to feel lost and out of my element anymore.

Sunday came. Chris was supposed to come over so we could talk. I called him that morning and said that if I was that confused, we should probably just break up. After 2 years together I should know what I want, right?

Then I panicked thinking about everything we shared and all the memories we had made. When he showed up I just broke down into a big blubbering mess.

I just wanted to feel like I knew what I wanted. Chris ended up calling my mom to come over to calm me down. All three of us had a long talk and she made a point that we both sort of missed.

That we simply hadn't been having fun together. It'd been 3 months of work work work and I don't even think we went on a single date in that time span. Sure we grabbed bdubs at 8pm covered in paint and sawdust.

So we decided to try to work things out. Chris is moving out for now, we need to make sure our relationship is stable before we go and throw "living together" into the mix.

We're going to try harder to go on dates and laugh and enjoy each other. I don't know how it'll all turn out, but for now I'm giving it my best shot and keeping my chin up.

Honestly, I feel silly and hokey that I got so upset about moving out and about living with someone. But thats just me I guess.

It might not make sense to anyone else, but it makes sense to us. And that's really all that matters.

30 comments:

Melissa Jo said...

I moved in with my significant Feb. 2010, the first few weeks were definitely an adjustment. I wasn't used to be be with him ALL THE TIME, especially as we had been living 100+ miles away from each other & only seeing each other on the weekends.

Not going to lie, it was rough and there was a few times I went through the same thoughts as you have. We both had been living on our own for a few years at that point and were not used to anyone being around that much.

I've stuck it out and it's been wonderful. We met years ago and lightly dated, when I moved away for work we continued to date and as it got more serious he asked me 'to move home' instead of just visiting on the weekends.

It's definitely a big step and a big blessing. Hope it all works out well for you & ChrisChris!

Aly @ Analyze This said...

You are so wise for your age Chelsea and I'm glad that you thought things through, versus saying goodbye to the past two years! It's a tough decision, indeed, and I think your Mom bringing to attention some things you missed was great!

Wishing y'all happiness and FUN!!! Do I need to send you more VIP tickets?!

nicole said...

When Adam and I first moved in together it was hard. Having him around all the time and having to get used to his quirks was one thing. But we quickly got into a rut and didn't really have any 'spark' left. So we started planning date nights! Even if we didn't go out, but we stayed home and made a nice dinner, cracked open some champagne or wine and kept the tv off the whole night. We would easily spend three hours just sitting at the dining room table talking and laughing. It's so easy to just fall into a routine and feel unhappy when you don't plan to have any 'fun'. It happens to everyone, I'm just glad you realized that something needs to change in your relationship/lifestyle. Hopefully everything works out wonderfully for you and Chris!

nicole said...

When Adam and I first moved in together it was hard. Having him around all the time and having to get used to his quirks was one thing. But we quickly got into a rut and didn't really have any 'spark' left. So we started planning date nights! Even if we didn't go out, but we stayed home and made a nice dinner, cracked open some champagne or wine and kept the tv off the whole night. We would easily spend three hours just sitting at the dining room table talking and laughing. It's so easy to just fall into a routine and feel unhappy when you don't plan to have any 'fun'. It happens to everyone, I'm just glad you realized that something needs to change in your relationship/lifestyle. Hopefully everything works out wonderfully for you and Chris!

nicole said...

When Adam and I first moved in together it was hard. Having him around all the time and having to get used to his quirks was one thing. But we quickly got into a rut and didn't really have any 'spark' left. So we started planning date nights! Even if we didn't go out, but we stayed home and made a nice dinner, cracked open some champagne or wine and kept the tv off the whole night. We would easily spend three hours just sitting at the dining room table talking and laughing. It's so easy to just fall into a routine and feel unhappy when you don't plan to have any 'fun'. It happens to everyone, I'm just glad you realized that something needs to change in your relationship/lifestyle. Hopefully everything works out wonderfully for you and Chris!

nicole said...

ok, i think this might have just posted three times for some reason, my computer is insane, so sorry!

Marcy XOXO said...

Chelsea I think your brave!!! A lot of people would just "suck it up" so to speak... maybe make their self miserable just to make others happy. You aren't doing that!!! You realize that deep down you need to be happy too and that means a lot. I think you are acting very mature! I hope very much so that you guys work out but if you don't it just wasn't meant to be !!!

Katie said...

hang in there you'll figure it out. Living together is hard and perhaps it will work if not you'll be glad you did it before you got married.

Al said...

Chelsea, I'm so glad to read this, but SO sorry that you had to go through it...It's funny how you can never really meet a person, but knowing there have been rough times for you just makes me sad :( You are doing the wise thing - stepping back for a minute and allowing breathing room. No rash decisions, no movements generated from fear. You are a smart and beautiful woman, and with time comes clarity. This I have learned. At the end of the day, regardless of what happens, you'll be happy. Know this. Take a deep breath and a moment of peace for yourself...It'll be ok. Here for you always, darling.

Erica said...

Sorry it's been rough sweetie. I hope things start to become more clear to you. It's so hard to just settle down and "decide" these huge life-altering types of choices. I really hope you get some peace and feel comfortable soon! :)

Alexson said...

Good call on having more fun even though the whole homeownership deal is a lot of work. Hubs and I are always happier when we make projects into a party.

The Mrs. said...

Moving out of your childhood home is such a big deal, moving in with a significant other is SOOO serious. I hope that y'all are able to figure it out, have fun and learn to enjoy each other before you make a big decision. Good luck, I know that only time will tell but I wish you nothing but happiness!

Neely said...

Girl if anyone understands I do. Chad and I had lots of ups and downs before we broke up. Im not saying thats what yall should do but I understand the anxiety about all that time together, memories etc. I think you made the right decision to hold off on moving into together. Its really hard to make grown up decisions. I hate doing it...and Im 26!! Im here if you want to talk. If you want to vent whatever. Love ya!

Aly said...

I'm sorry you are going through that! I think you made the right decision to work on things. Ben and I moved in together for about 2 weeks, because of his living situation, and it was tough. It's definitely an adjustment! I think we all have the idea that relationships are easy, and always fun like Hollywood portrays it in the movies. SO not the case! Relationships take work! I'm sure you guys will work everything out. Thinking about you!

Michelle (michabella) said...

Oh sweet friend! Moving out and moving in with a significant other is a BIG deal! You had every right to feel overwhelmed. What an amazing guy though to step back and give you your space. You always have to keep that lil flame going...keep those butterflys there. Think back to the beginning of your relationship...think of all the lil things that ya'll did together, how you made each other laugh, etc. Hope things work out for you both <333

Kristen said...

You made a great choice. Living together is a BIG deal and only you will know when you are ready. AND Chris sounds like an amazingly understanding guy. Good choice for sticking with him to see how things go.

Have lots of fun on your dates, don't forget that the house will always be there, make time for yourself and your love life!!

Lacey in the City said...

Oh sweetheart, sometimes space really is the best answer - to reevaluate what you need and want, and for you to be able to walk forward knowing that you've made a decision with a clear head. I actually started freaking out in my head recently in regards to how quickly my relationship was progressing, and I kept comparing it to how I had freaked myself out in past relationships. In the end, I subconsciously sparked a huge fight last week that left me a hysterical mess because I actually saw the opportunity to break things off, and it made me realize that that was indeed the exact opposite of what I wanted, and that I needed to chill the heck out about being so nervous. I needed to just let it be what it will be and take it one step at a time.

What I'm trying to get at is that sometimes it takes distance and the proximity of the break up option to be able to realize whether we do or do not really want to be in the relationship that we're in.

I'm wishing you luck, and most of all, clarity. That's the hardest thing to find in times of anxiety.

xoxoxo

Jamie Pickle said...

I totally understand. Went throught some similar situations with the Mister. When I graduated and moved closer to him, I found that living together was not the best option for us yet (he agreed). We were going to have our whole lives to live together and we were still so young and had to do some growing up. I honestly miss living by myself and not having to worry about anyone else. You will get through this. Once you get settled things will seem clearer. Good luck!

Jenn @ West Sac Honey said...

Oh Chelsea! I still go through some of these same feelings after living with Dustin for almost 3 years now. I moved out of my house so fast with my mom the emotions didn't hit me till later. I know exactly what your thinking and feeling. I would def say work on the "sparkle" as Carrie Bradshaw would say because now that I even think about it I need some more sparkle around here. Your moving in just the right direction don't get sad your opening new doors to your future.

Carolyn @ life, love & puppy prints said...

I will say that the first month or so of living with a boy is ROUGH. You picture it being romantic and cute and fun, but it's a HUGE adjustment. I think you both are super responsible and smart for taking it slowly to figure everything out. Hope it all works out!!!

Holmes said...

I hope that everything works out for the best and in the end remember that if your not having fun and aren't genuinely happy that maybe he's not the one.

CMae said...

Wow I disagree with a lot of people on this that have written their 2 cents. I am living with with my significant other. He is my 3rd "serious" boyfriend and the previous 2 I didn't live with. the first one (we were in HS so to young) the second one we were mostly long distance and he never wanted me to really live in the same zip so there went that. I'm 28. My man is 30. He's been married before about 4 years ago. only married for 2. So he had obvi lived with a girl before.

Living with him has been a breeze. I'm not sure why everyone writes it was an adjustment. When 2 people REALLY fit well together, (regardless of personalities) it shouldn't be that big of an adjustment. Of course he does things those quarks that someone mentioned above, but they are nothing that I can't live with/without.

If there were ever a time I felt like you did I'd be packing. You should never feel "confused". At least with me....I really do feel there is no gray area in love! Just black and white. A lot of girls may disagree with that, but that's just me and my opinion. Have fun. Be with someone who knows what they have when they are with you. Period. :)

Are you able to afford your home without him (chris) living with you?

Tori and Chad said...

Oh, girlfriend! I get it. Seriously. I get it. But I promise you if you guys start having fun again, the freak outs will be less frequent and you'll remember why you're together. Boring awkward who am I patches don't last forever.

And everyone else can STFU about not knowing. Love is an emotion - hello - emotions are supposed to be messy.

Tara said...

i really hope everything works out for the best for you!

Brittany said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Brittany said...

Oh Chelsea.. you are seriously strong and mature! I'm proud of you for stepping up and KNOWING you deserve to be happy. I think what you're doing is great.

Moving out on your own in a big step in itself but moving in with a boyfriend is a whole other ballpark. You're used to having your own space and time and now you have to merge that with someone else. You just need time to breathe, that's all. I'm sorry but I totally disagree with Cmae.

If you and Chris are meant to work out, you definitely will. Your momma is a smart lady. Relationships need fun so here's to wishiing you and Chris a ton of fun in the future!

Keep your head up :)

P.S - I think you made sense to all of us and good for you for opening up! Sorry for the book, haha

Krystal said...

When I moved in with my fiance (he was still my boyfriend at the time) we fought a lot too... so much transition. we needed the date nights, the weekends away, the fun had to come back. we toughed through it... and now we are getting married next month. it is DEFINITELY an adjustment and you are perfectly normal for having these thoughts. =) Good luck lovely and everyone is obviously thinking of you!

Abby said...

Praying for you and all the changes, girl... :)

KellyMellyBoBellyBananaFanna said...

Big fat huge hug. You will be FINE. Really. This is totally normal. Listen to yourself, though. Give yourself time. Let me know if I can help in any way.

Kelly

Just Add Walter said...

my thoughts are with you - I can relate to how hard this can be...There are always good times and bad times but you need to figure out for you if this is something you really want. Take some time, take a breath and live your life for you because that is all that really matters!