Let’s play a fun game, blog readers. I call this game “What would you do”. Here’s the rules: I explain a situation (PURELY hypothetical of course) and you tell me your insight on the matter. Fun, right? Awesome, let’s go.
Hypothetical situation numero uno:
Early one Friday afternoon I invite a friend, whom I’ve know for MANY years, to go to a festival with me on a Friday night. I have free passes for said festival. They agree, exclaiming it sounds like fun and that they will meet me there after they get off work.
I carry on about my day. Later in the evening I text them to make sure of time and where we’re meeting up at. They don’t respond. Since I don’t really like showing up to places alone, I bring other guests along with me and figure this friend will text you at some point before we get there to plan on where to meet up. I try a few more times to contact them with no avail. ‘Weird,’ I think to myself, ‘guess she bailed?’. I’m a little peeved at them bailing with no forwarning (and glad I had brought along others so I wasn’t wandering the festival alone!)
After awhile we were enjoying ourselves and I had sort of shrugged off the whole situation. That’s when someone from our group came back after a bathroom trip or something, and said he had ran into the offriender (see what I did there, friend +offender HA!), with a group of other mutual acquaintances. That’s when I really became baffled. He said he stopped & talked to them for a moment, and pointed out where we were at yet not once did they come by and say hi or come by and offer up any explanation as to why I was seemingly being avoided all afternoon?
We left shortly thereafter. The next day I texted that friend simply asking ‘what happened to you last night’. Never did get a response to that one either.
The kicker of it all, is that I haven’t heard from that person. Nearly 4 weeks later. And then I received a text inviting me to go out one night for their birthday.
Am I overreacting? I just feel like I deserve some sort of explanation at least, if not an apology. I don’t know. I’m just a little shocked. And a lot baffled.
Any insights, thoughts, recommendations are totally welcomed with open arms.
Purely hypothetical situation of course ;)
24 comments:
The Offriender. Love it.
That's sketchy. And no I wouldn't go to her birthday, I'd just "not respond." The least she could have done would have been to come say hi or let you know she was meeting other people too.
I hate when people just ignore situations or don't respond. So juvenile.
THAT'S WEIRD?!?!?!?!?!? This completely hypothetical friend obviously should apologize for bailing on you, and I think it's super weird that they're now inviting you to their hypothetical bday party.
Do I know how I would handle this? Not sure. I'm kind of a pansy, so I'd probably just drop it and see how her bday goes... but I don't think that's very good advice. LOL Maybe text her back and say something like "where have you been? I've missed you!!!!! :)" Then you're asking what happened, but not being super confrontational?
Idk.. this is really long and I feel like I'm not helping. LOL
Fair weather friends are not cool...
That is strange. If they had other plans, they should have just let you know. And if they ran into your other friend, they knew you would find out they were there, so they should've came to say hello. Not answering for almost a month? Weird. I would expect an explanation, but that's b/c I can't stand shadiness. Hope you figure something out!
Love the 'offriender' reference!
Hm. Being the up-front type, I'd probably call. If no answer? I'd politely say something in a voice-mail along the lines of, " You aren't returning my texts, you pulled a rude move on me, and now you're inviting me to your birthday party? Call me back and explain what's going on." I know I'm abrasive, but my honesty is something my friends appreciate and keeps drama at a minimum. I imagine your friend probably is too embarrassed to settle this hiccup with you. If she cares enough to fix it, she will.
To be honest? I probably would have told the person to eff off by now. I don't have time for games.
That's a pretty jerk-face move to just not answer the texts. And then show up to said place without you.
If you want to potentially keep the friend. Shoot her a text telling her how you feel. If you don't care. Either A) don't respond or B) tell her to eff off.
That's what I would do. :) Good luck!
I fit was me i would be offended and wouldn't go to the persons birthday party! But that's just me...
You deserve and apology and explanation! That's so rude and she should have just let you know. Obviously she felt guilty/bad about it since she didn't reply for so long. And now it's her bday and she wants all of their friends around for HER. Sounds selfish. Is this situation a first with her? I'd be willing to bet not. :/
Offriender! Love it! Definitely not ok for them to have done that, I don't know if confronting them will actually make a difference but I would say its probably best to not go out for their birthday.
Offriender...definitely going to be using that one.
And to agree with most of the other commenters... I personally do not like to take crap from people so if I was completely ignored like that I would definitely be dishing out the same treatment. Life is to short to waste time on shady "friends" that don't actually care.
Wow, that really is just crazy. WHO doesn't respond to weeks of text messages as well?? Yeah, I'd be miffed too... Not sure what to do for the party... Sounds like she is conveniently friends with others when she needs something. Good luck with what you decide :-S
Friend? What friend ignores texts the same night you have plans? Just be upfront. I'm getting pissed just reading this. Grrr. Some people have no manners.
Whoa that is so weird! I don't like that. I consider myself a pretty dependable person so when someone acts flaky like that, I'm immediately turned off. I have to say I like the word offriender. ;) As for what you should do, I'd say confront her at the birthday party if you go. It sounds like she's avoiding you via phone but she can't avoid you in person. I mean, you don't have to make it a big deal. Maybe she ended up going with some other people and just was afraid you'd be mad. She sounds like she avoids confrontation at all costs..which is weird. I'd just say something like that's not cool and it's made you think twice about inviting her to things b/c you would have at least liked some notice that she couldnt come with you or whatever.
Give this "offriender" a taste of their own meds... DON'T RESPOND! What jerks... Just sayin'!
That is definitely shady, and I suspect that if you did the same to that person, they'd think it was too!
The best approach, I've found, is to be direct, if you care enough to do so. Send an email or something and explain why what happened upset you, ask for an explanation, and see what happens. If he/she responds with an explanation you find acceptable, chalk it up to a mistake and move on. If the explanation is shady or you don't get one, or your gut tells you this person just can't be trusted to be on the up-and-up with you, take the high road and just mentally mark that person as a lesser friend going forward.
1) Stealing "Offriender".
2) You're busy. End of story. If they ask with what, say, "My life. kthanksbye."
3) I know, you may be all, "That was way harsh, Tai," but I assure you they won't ask why because they're too lame to consider other people in their universe.
4) Moving on.
agreed. straight lame
people are so unreliable and sketchy these days it makes me so mad. No you are not overreacting. I didnt know we were still in the third grade and didnt know how to act like adults or how to back out of something, as best and you possibly can, theres really no good way to do so without looking like a jerk. Honestly is the best policy though and If i were you id tell the "offender" straight up what you did was really rude and immature and frankly i dont have room for people like that in my life. Just remember. the people that want to be in your life will make the point of being in it and put forth the effort, you dont need friends like that.
There could be a very reasonable explanation as to why this person chose to change plans. That being said, however, this person should have told you about the change in plans, especially since you all ended up in the same place. At the very least, something should have been said within the next day or so. Since it wasn't, maybe he/she just let it go and thought you did too.
As for going out for the birthday, I suppose that depends on you and the friend. Is it someone you enjoy hanging out with and want to keep in contact with regularly? You said it's been 4 weeks. Is that typical for you two? If so, I would go and just see how things play out, just not invite him/her anywhere else in the future. If you normally talk more, and the bailing and 4 week non-talking break was a new, I personally wouldn't unless there were other people going that I wanted to see.
Wow, I would definitely be offended. I would understand something coming up at the last minute, but for him to show up and not acknowledge or offer an explanation is really rude...
i like to hold grudges so i would probably not speak to this person until they apologize.
totally crazy/sketchy! i wouldn't go and if you want to go you must definitely say something before hand to clear the air...if the friendship is really worth it. they should have had the backbone to have at least said they already had plans to go. any excuse has to be better than someone totally being shady. but don't be shady back, be the bigger person! if you don't wont to go, say just tell them. all hypothetical, of course! ;)
ummm you are totally NOT overreacting. I cannot STAND flaky friends...it's pretty much one of THE worst things in my book that a "friend" can do to you.
You're not alone...I've questioned one or two of my friendships over the same thing...some people just don't get it. I would expect some type of explanation as well.
Why don't people know how to be good friends?! I just don't get it!
She should totally explain to you WHY she didn't respond or why she hasn't spoken to you in four weeks.
How long have you known her? Are y'all close?
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